


Girls Night

by MrsWhozeewhatsis (OxfordCommaLover)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Language, I don't even know how to tag this, Linda Tran is a horny drunk with a big mouth, Multi, Smut adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 15:18:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16835230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OxfordCommaLover/pseuds/MrsWhozeewhatsis
Summary: This started with an aesthetic created by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing, and just grew from there. It's not really a story, just something that popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone. Set very shortly after Mary returns from the dead.





	Girls Night

**Author's Note:**

> If Tumblr doesn't delete it, the original post for the aesthetic is here: http://thing-you-do-with-that-thing.tumblr.com/post/158160422332/a-little-fun

(Aesthetic by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing)

When Jody met Mary, she had no idea they would end up here. It was all Linda’s fault, really.

Dean and Sam had been busy with a hunt in Seattle when Linda had called for help in Boston. Mary had been ghostbusting in NJ, so she headed north when the boys put up the bat signal. A day later, the two women had put down a coven of witches and become fast friends. So, when Jody invited Mary up to Sioux Falls for a girls night, Mary convinced Linda to come, too.

Mary brought the whiskey, Jody produced a fine bottle of bottom-shelf tequila, and Linda proved to be a master martini maker (which was something she could still successfully say after three of them, which was more than the other two could claim). Jody sighed and groaned and quipped that all the good men were either married, gay, or dead. Or Winchesters. Mary’s eyes got wide and round, but Jody was unapologetic.

“Your boys are the best men I’ve ever known, but I wouldn’t get mixed up with them any more than I am right now if you paid me, and God knows, ain’t nobody paying hunters.”

Mary shrugged, having to agree that the general life expectancy of any friend of a Winchester was lower than the national average.

“I know they’re your sons, Mary, so you might not wanna hear this," Linda said, "but there have been times I’ve considered riding Winchester dick, even if it was straight into Hell. It might be a short ride, but something tells me it would be worth it!”

Mary’s face puckered into an unnatural shape as she drunkenly waved her arms to try and erase the mental picture Linda had just painted. “There’s not enough alcohol in the world to make me want to even consider an answer to that!!!!!”

Jody laughed, then thought of a good way to distract Mary. “So, what about those British Men of Letters you’ve been working with? The accents must make up for the, you know, English teeth situation….” Jody’s voice trailed off as she waved her hand around her head and made a face.

Mary unpuckered, but still frowned. “Um, no. They’re attractive enough, but they’re hunters and not the good kind. They’d as soon kill me as fuck me if it suited them.” Linda and Jody tried to hide their surprise, even though they didn’t need to. Mary was staring into her glass, swirling the amber liquid. “No, if I can’t find a man as good as John, then I’m happier with my own hand.”

Jody shrugged, understanding the feeling, but Linda scoffed.

“Why risk carpal tunnel when there are internet stores that ship directly to your door in discreet packaging?” 

Mary’s face turned scarlet, Jody’s eyes turned into saucers, but Linda just kept going. 

“I’ve got a rabbit vibrator that’s more effective than my husband ever was. Gets the job done quickly and efficiently every single time!”

Mary’s jaw dropped, but her eyes were confused. Jody smacked Linda’s knee and tried to shush her.

“Linda!! Mary’s been dead for over thirty years, she might not be ready to hear about all the latest self-service options just yet!”

Linda looked shocked and properly chastened for about a half a second before she pulled out her laptop and opened it up, typing something into her browser and then setting it in front of Mary. “There ya go, Mama. Whenever you’re ready to live life in the fast lane with us modern girls, just pick out what looks like it would scratch your itch, type in your credit card numbers, and reserve a room with a view for a few days. Once you go digital, you’ll never go analog again!”

Mary’s eyes nearly bugged out as she stared at the screen, taking in the sheer number and variety of toys the site had to offer. 

“Men’s toys? Strap-ons? _Furniture???_ ”

Jody groaned and mumbled, “We’re really going there? I guess we’re going there.” She stood up and headed into the kitchen. “I think I have a bottle of rum somewhere. Who wants pina coladas?”

* * *

Donna has just returned from a less-than-stellar date with New Doug. New Doug is fine, he’s sweet and gentle and considerate and caring and boring as the stuffing inside an old couch cushion. As she plops down on the sofa with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, her phone dings.

Jodio: Wincstrs’’s mom alive, here with cookoo Asian ladee who’s teaching her about dildos. Very much drink. So drink. Send drunk. Or dick.   
Jodio: Dammit, not dick have dildos need drink stupid ducking auto correct

Donna stares at her phone for a long minute, trying to translate drunk sheriff auto correct into English. No matter how she cuts it, though, none of it makes sense. Worried that something, you know, not natural, might be happening to her friend, she puts away the ice cream and grabs her go bag. She’s halfway out the door when she decides to hedge her bets, and also picks up the half case of sweet Moscato she just bought the other day.

She’s about to slide behind the wheel of her sensible 4WD SUV (because this is Minnesota, not L.A.) when she turns around and goes back to the house, pulling a large suitcase out of the back of her closet. Stowing it underneath everything else in the back, she tries to quash the fierce blush that has already formed on her cheeks as she furtively glances around to see if any of her neighbors noticed the logo on the side.

The drive should take longer than it does, but Donna uses her lights and sirens, just in case it’s an actual monster and not a monster bottle of alcohol Jody’s battling. She pulls into Jody’s driveway, curious about the classic blue beauty parked in front of the garage, but dashes quietly past it for the front door, gun in hand. Putting her ear to the door, she hears raucous laughter from the other side and heaves a sigh of relief. She shakes her head and gives the door a vicious bitch face (one learned from the great Sam Fucking Winchester, himself), before opening it wide with a bang and storming the living room with the smirk.

“DONNA!!!! It’s the Donster!” Jody yells, then realizes what she said and backtracks. “No, no, I don’t think I’m ever gonna call you that again. That was baaaaaaad,” she bleats, sounding just like a sheep until all three drunk women dissolve into fits of giggles.

“Ya know, I wasn’t sure if I should pack holy water or Jesus juice when I got your message, Jodes!”

Linda peers around Donna with her eyes at half mast. “If you’ve got Jesus with you, tell him to go home. We don’t need him! We’ve got our own way to Heaven, if you know what I mean!” Linda tries to wink suggestively, but only manages to blink both eyes slowly, but with serious concentration, her eyebrows raised and her head tilted to the side.

Mary looks up from the laptop screen and giggles, her face still a wild shade of red. Jody rolls her eyes and reaches for the bottle closest to Linda.

“Tran, you’re flagged. Water only for you for a while.”

Donna holsters her weapon and reaches for the feisty woman, who’s threatening to tackle Jody to get her bottle of…something… back when she nearly trips and falls over the coffee table. Donna catches her and settles her back down in her chair, letting her go when Linda pouts and promises not to make any more sudden moves. Mary gets up and pulls up a chair for Donna, showing that she’s clearly the most sober person in the group at the moment. They exchange pleasantries and shake hands, finding their seats while Jody and Linda lounge in their respective chairs, spread eagle and smiling.

“Gotta say, Mary, I love your boys! They’re just the best all around, ya know? Bee’s knees and everything!”

Mary gives Donna a huge grin. “Thank you–”

Linda butts in. “RIDE THAT DICK TO HELL, I SAY!!!” She nods knowingly at Donna with another half-successful wink. “You can’t tell me Sam doesn’t know how to work what he’s got, and even if he doesn’t, he’s a MOOSE. IT’LL WORK ITSELF!”

Donna doesn’t think her eyes have ever been bigger, and she worries for a moment they might actually pop out of her head. Jody throws a decorative pillow at Linda to shut her up and Mary just drops her head into her hands and groans.

“Linda, they’re my BABIES. PLEASE stop talking about them like they’re big game animals!!!”

Linda looks appropriately chastised, but Donna doesn’t believe it for a minute. She’s proven right when Linda whispers in her ear as she passes by on her way to the bathroom, “Sam may be a stallion, but I bet Dean has a magic wand!”

Donna feels her face heat up in mortification, partly at the lewdness of Linda’s comment, and partly because she’s had the same thought. To distract Jody and Mary from asking what Linda said, she leans over to see what Mary’s studying so seriously on the laptop in front of her. When she sees the logo on the screen, she gives out a squeak.

Mary looks at Donna and gets a look on her face that Donna knows well from her sons. It’s the “I’m going to find out what you’re thinking no matter how hard you try to hide it” look.

Jody gives Donna the same look and hums. “So, Donna, what’s on your mind hmmm?”

Donna shrugs, not sure how to bring up what’s buried in the back of her SUV. “Well, you guys are lookin’ at, ya know, stuff, on the internet, but why look on a screen when you handle the real thing?” 

Donna’s sure you could make fried egg sandwiches for four on her cheeks right now, but she tells herself to buck up and a be a strong, modern woman like her friend, Jody, and just put it all out there. Jody’s clearly trying to mesh what she’s sure her innocent little friend is talking about with the innocent little sheriff who tapped her teeth when she first talked about vampires, and routinely says, “what the cuss?” instead of _actually_ cussing.

“Isn’t the whole point of looking at these things to not have to handle the real thing and all the bullshit that’s attached to it? You know, like delicate egos and rampant machismo and reassuring them that it’s perfectly okay when they don’t ring your bell, but instead pass out cold?”

Jody’s head shifts instead of just her eyes as she stops staring at Donna and instead stares at Mary. “I thought John was all that and a bag of Doritos with a grape soda on the side?”

Mary shrugged. “I wasn’t a virgin when I got married, and John’s dead, now. Unless things have changed since I died, I know what I’m facing out there.”

Donna and Jody nod. “Nope,” Jody says with a lighthearted grimace, “nothin’s changed.”

Donna takes a deep breath as Mary starts looking at the screen again.

“Why the hell would someone want something that looks like a megaphone attached to their nipples?” Mary asks before taking a long draw from her bottle of whiskey.

Donna looks over Mary’s shoulder. “Oh! Those are actually pretty neat!” At Jody’s puzzled look, Donna tells her, “Vibrating Nipple Suckers.” Jody nods knowingly and sits back in her chair.

Donna stands up. “Wait here, guys. I’ll be right back.”

When Donna returns, Linda is back from the bathroom and singing “I’m Too Sexy” into an empty liquor bottle while Mary and Jody laugh and shake their heads. Linda stops cold, though, when she sees the logo on the case Donna puts on the coffee table. Jody waves a remote at the stereo, silencing it, her eyes never leaving the case.

“What’s Pure Romance?” Mary asks.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't write the F/F smut, but if someone is inspired to continue this in a smutty fashion, please let me know and I'll link it here!! (And on Tumblr, if the post doesn't go poof.)


End file.
